What If Never Giving Up Isn't Enough?
by heymonkeylover38
Summary: An exploration of Naruto and Sasuke's feelings behind the scenes. How they fell in love, became toxic, and how they picked themselves back up again. Mostly told in one-shots from multiple points of view in chronological order starting from the Academy days, through their teen years, and eventually adulthood.
1. Chapter 1

When Naruto was a kid, he had no friends. He had no one in fact. No mom to run home to. No dad to give an unexpected, but comforting, hug when you needed it the most. No one to tell him "it's going to be ok."

He felt like an outsider in his own village.

One day, his sensei at the Academy had asked them to write down one person they'd want to have with them if stranded on a deserted island.

Naruto stared at the blank piece of paper in front of him, unsurprised when no names came to mind.

Instead of dwelling on this... emptiness - he acted out, like he always did. He crumpled up the piece of paper and threw it, hitting his undeserving sensei weakly in the face.

Iruka's scowl wasn't anything to joke about, and the slap upside Naruto's head pulsed in pain. Iruka placed a new piece of paper on his desk, and scowled over Naruto's shoulder.

Naruto's pencil twitched in his fingers, and yet, a name just wouldn't come. Iruka huffed in impatience, and squared around the boy to meet his eyes.

"Come on, Naruto. There's got to be someone you'd want. Someone you love?" He probed.

Naruto stared into Iruka's pleading eyes with confusion, tilting the corners of his mouth down.

"Love?" The innocent child asked.

"Yes, you know, love. That warm fuzzy feeling you get in your chest or tummy being near someone?" Iruka stumbled for words, unsure how to explain such an abstract concept to a child.

Naruto hesistated, trying to think about all his past experiences in his short life span. The only warm and fuzzy feeling he ever got was when he ate ramen. The hot broth warmed his insides as it slid down his chest and landed into his stomach. The spicy edge to the broth made his cheeks flush pink and he would feel a little warmer than he had started.

"Like ramen?"

The class laughed, disrupting Iruka's carefully managed peace. Iruka was about to snap at the boy when he saw the confusion on his face from everyone's laughter, and a glisten of tears at the edges of his eyes, signifying his genuineness.

"Yes," Iruka consented, "it's kinda like ramen."

* * *

While the rest of the class laughed at Naruto, Sasuke easily wrote down "Uchiha Itachi."

He was never good enough for Father. Mother gave caring smiles, but never corrected Father's verbal abuse. And although there had been a change in Itachi, his distance only served to make Sasuke want to be that much closer to his older brother. His older brother who had once carried him on his back now only poked him on the forehead.

Sasuke's hand brushed against the spot Itachi's two fingers always hit. When Itachi would leave him and refuse his offer to spend time together, he always felt so empty despite that one spot on his forehead.

He glanced over at Naruto, who was too preoccupied to even notice the Uchiha's glance in his direction.


	2. Chapter 2

Right after the Uchiha massacre

Sasuke stared at the reflection of himself in the water. A gust of wind rippled the water, distorting his face to look like that of his brother's.

Whispered screams and droplets of blood rode on wind, spraying Sasuke with a mist that he distinctly remembers as warm not cold.

He wipes the blood from his face, but inspecting his shaking hand, he stared and stared at it until he realized why the blood was clear.

A fresh breath through flared nostrils centers him back on the dock, legs dangling over the edge across the Uchiha's lake.

"It's just water," his mind relaxes. He stared out across the lake for an indefinite amount of time, determined not to look at his reflection again.

The silence of the air, the steady warmth of the sun on his pale cheeks, lulled him to state of blank meditation. All emotions drained out of him until he felt so numb that he felt like nothing.

That's what he was told all his life, anyway. That he was nothing. Nothing compared to Itachi. A failure. A, a... a disappointment. And despite how hard he trained, how good his grades were, he was never enough.

He basked in this state of nothingness. No responsibilities. No one left to disappoint. No one left to care if he lived or died. No one left to live up to their expectations.

And Itachi, his beloved perfect brother, had taken them all away. Itachi had left him less than empty. He left him with nothing. Sasuke wondered how he'd fill that void, if he'd ever feel again.

He felt so broken, but there was no one to fill in the cracks in the places he couldn't reach himself.

His state of nothing was brought back to something as he heard something - someone - walking along the cursed trail of the Uchiha compound. Footsteps, soft, small, close together.

Looking up, eyes as blue as the sky were meeting his. Childlike innocence and curiosity were swimming in those baby blues, staring at Sasuke's face just a little longer than needed in order to recognize someone.

Naruto.

The sunshine hit his golden locks perfectly, almost giving him a sunny aura. His whisker marks were clear in the sun, unmoving as his lips neither frowned nor smiled.

His eyebrows knit together as if thought, and Sasuke felt like those eyes were looking past his careful mask and poking around in the emptiness of his heart. Naruto looked like he was trying to figure out how to put Sasuke's pieces together in order to make the puzzle.

Sasuke didn't like being looked at like a broken thing needed to be fixed. He got enough looks of sympathy from the villagers, he didn't need this blonde orphan giving him looks either.

"He's never had a family to lose. He could never understand my pain."

Sasuke scowled at the thought and looked away.

Then the pink lips turned into a pout, the blonde's eyebrows furrowing in hurt and rejection.

* * *

The blonde turned his head away quickly, understanding the rejection he often received from everyone else. But Sasuke had looked so sad, so he thought, maybe, just maybe, he could comfort him. And maybe, just maybe, Sasuke would be different.

Naruto found it hard not to find Sasuke in a crowd. His hair, a shiny, spiky black graced his face like no other. The Uchiha fan was easy to spot on his shirt. Naruto was never looking for someone, because no one was ever looking for him. But somehow, his feet always led him to see Sasuke, and his eyes always fixated on him like the prettiest part of a picture.

His chest would tighten when one of his fangirls fawned over him, or asked Sasuke on a date. He felt himself exhale a breath he never knew he was holding when Sasuke rejected someone's offer.

And there he was again, Sasuke, sitting alone on a dock. Naruto always seemed to find him easily when they were alone.

Naruto didn't mean to find him. He was actually taking the long way home after a particularly brutal day by the villagers. He had seen a mask he liked and had oogled a little too long at it. Long enough to get yelled at by the merchant and hit in head with the mask he had been lusting over.

Naruto ran away without picking up the mask. Stupid.

He knew this path was a little out of the way but, he figured it was worth it. The sunshine reflecting on the lake always seemed to calm him down when his chest felt just a little too tight.

When he saw Sasuke sitting there, he was surprised, but figured he shouldn't be. He hadn't even paid attention to the giant Uchiha fan marking the compound. He thought of yelling out to him when Sasuke turned, noticing his presence.

His dark onyx eyes connected with his own blue, and he was left speechless. His lips couldn't even part to suck in the air necessary to speak.

He looked, less, or, not quite, he just. Hmm. Naruto wasn't quite sure how to explain Sasuke's look that just felt like he was barely even there. He was trying to figure it out when Sasuke scowled and turned away.

The tightness stabbed back at his chest and his lips reflexively distorted to a pout at the sudden onset of pain. He felt like he couldn't breathe, it hurt too much to try. He couldn't face another rejection today, so he too looked away.

He just needed to leave and get away. Go home and wrap himself up in his covers and refuse to cry just like last night. His pace quickened and he didn't look back.

* * *

Sasuke realized his mistake too late and swiveled his body in the direction Naruto was leaving. Naruto was no longer looking at him, but speedily moving away.

Sasuke watched him go with lingering eyes, trailing the way the sunlight still reflected his hair at this angle.

He made an attempt to vocalize some sort of call, but found his voice tight and strangled. No sound left his open mouth, his outstretched arm left dangling in the air.

Lips shut, arm fell, eyes fell to the wood on the dock.

Spacing out on a nail bent in the wood, he willed the world to slip away again. Just to feel the numbness that had let him slip away for a while.

He cursed under his breath, lips snarling in frustration. Fuck. He felt something. He felt something and he could no longer feel nothing.

His eyes snapped back up to where Naruto had been last seen walking away from him and felt his heart ache.

"Naruto," barely a whisper, lost on the wind.


End file.
